Thursday, January 1, 2015

1/1/14

So I'm sitting here alone on New Year's Day trying to finish writing about my favorite albums of 2014, and I'm trying to care about these little moments I can remember with these songs and why they matter and why I liked them, and I keep stopping myself, thinking what is the point? What does a list like this even mean? Especially when published on a blog no one reads?

At the moment, I guess it is something to do with my hands. But I also know the importance of reflection, of finding meaning in our memories. I am so attached to my music. I am so inspired by it and connected to it, it sorts the feelings into boxes and puts them where they need to be. I am never alone when I have songs in my ears, in my head, or my heart, and this is a lifesaver, in no uncertain terms. If that sounds insipid or overdramatic to you, then you have never wrestled with emotions so intense you can't breathe, so overwhelming you cannot think, only to be brought back down to earth by something other than yourself - for me, that something is most often music. I may be struggling today but I won't be struggling forever, at least, not anymore than I always was or ever would be, and sitting here typing, replaying my favorite songs of the year, might be the best way to stay grounded tonight. So here goes, here's what I loved in 2014, with the best reflection my tired, tragic memory can provide:

This Wild Life - Clouded
So emo, so angsty, and still so pretty. This was an evening record, mostly, or a Saturday afternoon jam. These songs are little stories you can wrap your head around, and harmonies you can sing along with, easy chords to strum. These songs lash out with some serious spiteful lines, but they're so gentle in their own way.  Just a lovely little record worthy of attention, especially in sadness.

"And I just need a day, to shed this dead weight, and to get my head straight
I just want to let go, I just want to be left alone."



Coldplay - Ghost Stories 
Chris Martin at his most maudlin gave me so much solace this year. I don't care of the critics panned it. I thought "Ghost Stories" was beautiful, and sad, and strange and even trendy, at times. It didn't try too hard, its muted drums and elegant little trills are so soft and rich. This record is the middle of the night and early in the morning, it is the hours no one else needs to see.
"Call it magic, cut me into two
And with all your magic, I disappear from view
And I can't get over, can't get over you
Still, I call it magic, such a precious truth"


Have Mercy – A Place of Our Own
Please keep pulling my heart strings, Brian Swindle. I sang-screamed so much to this record and it felt so good every time. I love how this band manages a scene-appropriate aggression with poignant, intelligent metaphors and lyrics. They're so dramatic. I love the way they toy with dynamics, not afraid to get too loud or too soft in anticipation of what's to come. "The Earth Pushed Back" has its own relevance in 2014 but this new release gave me something to hold onto. Expecting to play this more in 2015, starting tomorrow, probably. 

"I'm the pawn and you're the rook, 
And you played me like a crook, 
I never wanted it to end this way."

Ryan Adams - Ryan Adams
Some people are just born gifted. Ryan Adams is one of those people. No matter how long he stays away he comes back with something brilliant and beautiful, like it just pours right out of his soul to play excellent guitar and write heartfelt, resonating songs. "Gimme Something Good" was an anthem of sorts, as was "Feels like Fire," but its the slower, very songwriter-y moments that make up the meat of Adams' self-titled,  and he shines in this kind of arrangement. He is troubled and sad, he is older and wiser, but I will never tire of the lessons Ryan Adams has to offer, from the structure of a pre-chorus to the capacity to live with regret.  

"Just so you know, you will always be the hardest thing I will let go 
Driving past your church and all the houses in a row, feeling in my chest is fire." 
Taylor Swift – 1989
It's so good. It's so, so good. Of course it is. She's something of a generational icon at this point, I'd say, and I'm not going to join the ranks of the eye-rolling haters who are probably just jealous there's someone talented and beautiful out there. I've never heard a Taylor Swift record I didn't like and "1989" is full of so many excellent, smart, full-feeling moments that prove what a great songwriter she is. This album is vulnerable and mature, but also quite hopeful, and for that I've found it a pretty reliable listen in most moods.  It is also draped all over my last quarter of 2014. I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to this album and not remember the feel of a hand in mine, singing to someone who seemed not mind listening, the way the hillsides along the Ohio River shone in the afternoon sun. 

"So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain."


The Hotelier- Home, Like No Place There Is
 What a fantastic find this band was....I am hooked on their tenor and tones, I am floored by their words, and I am wishing that I had more to say about this record that I've listened to so many times. I hope we hear more this band, because I think they're onto something with the big-time choruses, and the drawn-out melodies, and the scathing honesty of pain and promise and self-destruction that lurks all over this record. I'm glad young, scrappy bands like The Hotelier are still out there making excellent indie rock music. I'm glad they give off something dark and just a little tormented, unashamed to be equal parts fragile and aggressive, which is really something of a combination, when you get down to it.

"I called in sick from your funeral 
The sight your family made me feel responsible."

The Menzingers - Rented World
If I were in a band, I'd want it to be like The Menzingers. I fell hard for this band in 2013, in Pennsylvania, their home state, and I've only grown more attached to them. "Rented World" felt heavy and dark compared to their past productions, and maybe it was a little more serious than the pop-punk, mosh-prone crowds of their youthful fan base could handle, but I took it to heart, I embraced it fully. Really hope this band continues to tour, continues to write, continues to wow me with their mastery of the pop punk song, although their sound transcends, mostly through vocals and the hint of jams, into something a little more broad sometimes. "Rented World" is a jaded record, it is over everything, and I fucking love everything about it, because that is the kind of company that is  hard to find in a world where faking it is so damn profitable, so damn easy, so damn common.

"I've tried running, I've tried hiding, I've tried everything but dying
Damn the days we took for granted, never again will I let alone close to me.
Yeah, me and the rodent in the wall have more in common after all."

The War on Drugs – Lost in the Dream
Sprawling, echoing and gorgeous, how could anyone listen to this and not fall in love? What I love most about this record is how contemplative it is, but with a layer of lonely discovery somewhere close to the foundation. It never loses its cool but dips into darkness, exploring all sorts of strange sonic places yet unheard by modern audience. There's influences aplenty, but the sound is something of its own creation - it is so damn difficult to make something this effortless. This is easily one of the most acclaimed records of the year, but I will love it always for other reasons, too, for the wistful state its mere mention, let alone a listen, inflicts on my mind. 

"Love’s the key to the things that we see
And don’t mind chasing
Leave the light on in the yard for me"

Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties – We Don’t Have Each Other
For when you heart is at your knees. For when your head is in dark places. For when inspiration can't be found. In a critical sense, Dan Campbell's side project is an incredible display of passion, intensity, talent and literary guise; from a personal standpoint, this album is a friend in depression, a companion for constant sadness. The scenes of New York and cars and bars are so vivid to me, and there's something cinematic about the narrator's desolation that I find quite a familiar story. I won't ever forget meeting Campbell at the Four Chords Music Fest this year, and telling him how great I thought this album was. "Thank you," he said, nodding slightly, and an hour later he'd go on to tear it the fuck up fronting The Wonder Years. I might not work in the business, I might not surround myself with musicians and bands the way I once did, but I do know a true talent when I see it. This guy's got it.

"If I lay here long enough, maybe the bugs will eat me whole.
If I stay here long enough, maybe the night would take me home."


Copeland - Ixora
It's difficult for me to explain how much I've loved this album in the latter of this year. I can't think of any other record that came out in 2014 that was so closely intertwined with my mornings, my nights, my thoughts and feelings. It is sad, it is sweet, it is symphonic, it is oddly experimental and it is strength is subtle. There's no question this is my favorite album of the year, because no other has been as much a comfort. This album is hearts too heavy to sleep and knees to weak to stand, it is compassion and kindness found in the most unlikely places, it is desire mixed with perspective, which is such a strange, beautiful combination. I love how serene even the most heightened of moments are. I am so happy this band came back, especially now, at this time, when the sound of something familiar and fresh is so necessary, and also because time has only made their accomplishments more pronounced and produced. The tapestry of strings, guitars and drumskins is balanced so perfectly. You hear so much of the room on this record. I smile to think of all the studio hours spent pouring over this, because to me, that is dedication to perfection and striving to make your work shine the brightest it can, and I am inspired by that. I am in love with the love poured into this record, and its story of sensual struggle. Can't wait to get it on vinyl. I hope to get lost in "Ixora" over and over again, hope to feel comforted by it and feel satisfied by it. Something tells me, reflecting on the moments I've spent with it so far, that might be the soundest start to this next year I can hope for.

"You’re still a breeze upon my skin, close my eyes, breathe you in.
I’m still the shadows in your night, taking over, until I fade into your light.
But you won’t erase me.
Heaven or hell will have to wait.
You won’t erase me.
So you just color me from grey."


Honorable Mentions
Modern Baseball
I saw this band three times in 2014. The only other bands I’ve seen that many times are Brand New and Jimmy Eat World, which are my favorite bands ever, which is funny to me, but they tour like animals and their songs are fun as heck. Definitely a standout act of the year.

Angels & Airwaves
I am so hooked on The Wolfpack but haven’t gotten my hands on a copy of the album. Just glad they’re back, as I will never tire of this band’s spacey, delay-fueled aesthetic.

Ingrid Michaelson
"Lights Out" has some really excellent moments.  That hook in “Girls Chase Boys” is some kind of earworm. She continues to a preeminent songwriter.

letlive.
I’ll never forget the look of Jason Alan Butler dropping rose petals from his hands around the mic, and when he climbed up the speakers to the balcony at Altar Bar, latching onto the base only to shimmey across with a mic cord around his neck, then crowdsurf back to the stage. More shows like this in 2015, please.

Brand New
I saw Brand New at Stage AE in Pittsburgh this year. They continue to amaze.They continue to toy with their fanbase in these miserable little ways, teasing recordings and studio time and old-new tracks. Brand New is going to put out an album next year Actually, they probably won’t. But they could. They should. They will. I think.

Here's to all there will be to listen to in 2015, and all the hope, comfort and companionship those albums, too, will provide.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

12/31/14



"Hold onto nothing
As fast as you can
Well, still, pretty good year."

~Pretty Good Year
 Tori Amos, Under the Pink

I've sang this line to myself more times than I can count over the years. How the meaning has changed. How each little word is relevant. Hold on. Nothing. Fast. You can. Pretty good year.

Can't say it better, really.

On New Year's Eve so many people seem to expect, or at least hope, something meaningful and magical will happen. It never really does. You never wake up the next day feeling all that different than you did the day before. Not because of a date on a calendar, anyway. Today, for example, I cannot feel my heart. Could I tomorrow? Might the fresh start of a new year make a difference? Past experience with 26 of these symbolic turns of the page tells me no, no, it does not. But that experience also reminds me change is a marvelous constant, possible and plausible to wreck you, ruin you, satisfy you, embolden you, each and every day, just as it proved to be this year... and so it shall be next year, too.



Monday, December 29, 2014

12/29/14



"Finding a light in a world of ruin,
Starting to dance when the earth is caving in,
Set in the sun and our hearts are burning,
Leaving the nest to the back a thousand winds,
We're ready to begin.

It's alright,
A bit scathed,
A bit lost,
I've been played,
I ain't that clever,
a city boy that can never say never,
I got the life but that girl bites like a wolf.

It's on me,
It's only,
A small heart,
On one sleeve,

Academy killer,
Off with his head
In the make believe game of fools,
That girl bites like a wolf.


Are you ready?
I'm waiting to begin
."
~The Wolfpack,
Angels and Airwaves, The Dream Walker

This album is sick.  I will forever and always be an AVA defender. What interesting sounds. What kick-ass tension and tonality. I just love the taste of aggressive ambiance they provide, it is such a satisfying sound and I think Tom DeLonge is an underrated contender for one of the best rock vocalists out there - how distinctive his sound, how identifiable it's been throughout the years. It's probably one of the reasons Blink 182 got the mainstream play they did.

I haven't read any reviews of "The Dream Walker" yet, and I haven't taken the time to listen to it in full and concoct one myself so this observation will have to suffice: I am in love with this melody. The simple vocal matched with the complexity of layers. That synth part on the pre-chorus into the held out bell tone is the perfect kind of takeoff. Plus, I like wolf metaphors. This song is something of an earworm, one listen will not suffice, but it's an optimistic indulgence, a call to something reinvented and new, again. Easily one of my most-played tracks of the final stretch of 2014, where a get-through-the-day mentality has turned into something much more ambitious, assured and resilient. Uplifting, still-moody and otherworldy tones are quite the match for that.

I will also say, rerettably, it does not appear I have posted about Angels and Airwaves before. Which is a shocking shame and oversight on my part, as "We Don't Need To Whisper" is among my favorite post-high school, still-scene albums. One of these days I will buy it on vinyl and it will sound amazing, it is truly a wonderful little sonic experiment in sounds and layers that established this side project as something to watch with a life of its own. It is a love-against-the-odds saga against space-age sounds. There isn't a bad track in the bunch, in my opinion. "Do It For Me Now" is probably one of my favorites, because its build and crash and chorus are so heart-stopping and its declaration of love is cutthroat.

"And I don't know
And I can't guess
If we're gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one

I know you can
Won't you do it for me now.
"

~Do It For Me Now
Angels and Airwaves, We Don't Need to Whisper

This album, too, is uplifting, and inspiring. This track, with its magnificent, large intro and and forceful rhythms underneath a blanket of delay, is impossible to ignore. This post does not suffice how interesting I find this album. What is also interesting to see how the lyrics overlap with the band's latest eight years later - laziness, maybe, or so a critic might point out, but also likely thematic inspiration. Sometimes we come back to the same place over and over again because that's where the good stuff lives. Even it feel the same, it is still a new experience to be created, produced, felt, shared, it is still something that can resonate. I'll always come back to this band to reminded of that, and to this particular this record to be reminded of hope against all odds.

"I cannot live, I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
Hello, here I am 

Do this with me,
And here we go, life's waiting to begin." 
~The Adventure
Angels and Airwaves, We Don't Need to Whisper

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

12/23/14



"I didn't mean to leave you hanging on
I didn't mean to leave you all alone
I didn't know what to say,
I didn't know what to say.

 
Merry Christmas, baby."

~12.23.95
Jimmy Eat World, Clarity

There's this one shade of winter sky that is my absolute my favorite. It is the lightest kind of dark, it looks grey tinted with green and brown and nothing, with the smallest specks of stars dotted here and there and everywhere, and it's the shade you get when the snow is thick and quiet, when the world is so covered in white the sky can't bear to be too dark. Really, it's science, something about water and light and reflection and living by a lake, but to me, it's poetry.

This song is that sky. That sky is my heart -- tonight, and most nights.

On this day, simply because I believe in honorary things, I listen to this song over and over again. It is like rereading a book I haven't picked up in years, every word a memory. Is there a more memorable four-line song in the past decade and a half? Holiday themes aside, the bittersweet longing that pours through this is palpable, and uplifting. I cannot name all the sounds here, both pedal and computer generated, but they resonate so brightly, so purely. They encapsulate the timeless sound "Clarity" is so known and celebrated for.

This song is quiet night drives on poorly plowed and briefly traveled roads, cutting across fresh blankets of powder. This song is headphones against pillows in the middle of the night. This song is the earliest memories of love in a heart still full and optimistic, to the latest pronouncements of pet names and regrets.

Given this title and the song's relevance in being better than most every song ever, December 23 is sort of a de facto Jimmy Eat World Day. I spent the day listening to "Clarity," "Static Prevails," half of "Invented," and all the B-sides I can find. It is a good way to indulge myself to hang onto all these favorites, to lapse in the layers. It is so good to rediscover old favorites and adopt new ones. Like remembering how much I love "Episode IV," and how I have yet another example to point to when I argue that sleigh bells are the best kind of auxiliary for mid-tempo tracks, like those hidden on this "Chase This Light" bonus track, which is wintry in its own right and reference. .

Twice today, two of my bosses asked me why I have been so quiet this week, and I struggled to explain. "You must be really engaged," one said to me today. "Not necessarily the word I'd use," I said, "Just trying to focus." Because try is all I can do when all my head wants is to head somewhere in the clouds, somewhere far removed from my heart and my blood and my body, somewhere with notes and words and the kind of pretty-sad thoughts that make sense to my mind right now. For this reason I could never, never get used to living without music, because it is how I can feed that need while (hopefully) leaving enough brain power to get through the day as the functioning, capable, even successful and determined, version of myself I am apt to be.  Even my attachment to writing and words is flighty compared to the way I need to hear, need to listen to the works and creations of others when I must come back down to earth. Because words fail me often. Songs never do. At least, those of others.

The artists who've meant the most to me in this way are probably no more or less human than I am. They are probably no more or less emotionally strong, weak, troubled or triumphant than I am. They almost certainly, musically and artistically speaking, possess more talent than I. Perhaps that is what inspires me, what drives me to be better. Because who, or what, is to say that my own innate abilities couldn't produce something sufficient enough to satiate my own craving for notes and words and pretty-sad thoughts, let alone, god willing, those of someone else? Excuses are easy to find - initiative, ambition, follow-through, these are the markers of the successful creator, not the mulling and wishing and wallowing and waiting. Perhaps this sense of creative motivation is a philosophy to capture at the end of this year and carry into the new one. I think it is, anyway. It seems worth trusting. What's the worst that could happen?  Besides, if you can't trust yourself, why should anyone bother trusting you?



"let me have the keys and you can take a rest
from the lightless main street until the next
who knows what there was to see before the light turned green
there's so much hell to live


the static or the science; don't know which is worse
the dial isn't broken; that's the way it works

to the new professionals irregular is normal
it's all in how you pray
not what needs to change


don't get comfortable
don't be sensible
swing with all you have
stop me if you can


imagine we had canvas with the midnight cold
dig our fingers in and then we'd watch the snow
maybe i need stronger meds
don't let those feelings in
i can't get closer now


matters straight across and just for me to use
but there's always another choice; another way through
the notes in progress float along over your candle song
 
the game is how you play
not who wears a ring


don't get comfortable
don't be sensible
swing with all you have
stop me if you can


i'm on the losing side
not every time
i'm gonna lose this love of mine


here are the words defined
not one is mine
 
why are we still so afraid
the things we do deserve their rightful names


don't get comfortable
don't be sensible

swing with all you have
stop me if you can

~Be Sensible
Jimmy Eat World, Chase this Light

Monday, December 22, 2014

12/22/14



The impending start of 2015 means the new Decemberists album will be coming around soon, and that's promising. Does Colin Meloy's voice get better by the year? Will this band continue to trump everyone else in their genre, and cross through it, with excruciatingly meticulous songwriting? It seems so, even as they continue to embrace hook-structure and pop backbeats. I have always enjoyed this band but to varying degrees of obsession. I first heard "Make You Better" this fall and thought it was OK, then, last weekend, I heard it on WBER while cruising around my parents' neighborhood. It slapped me in the face a good bit, and it gets better with repeat listens, I've determined. At first, the first two lines bothered me, they felt lazy, but today, they feel intentionally exacerbating, every little bit more of wanting worth every little bit more of a mention. . The parallel construction in this song is so simple and expertly done. I love the phrase "starry-eyed," it feels like fairy tales do, I love the piano part, I love the delicate harmonies. I love the way Meloy's voice dips and falls on the "shimmer in your shine" line. I love the reflection, the need, channeled and categorized and contained. More, please.

"I want you, thin fingers
I wanted you, thin fingernails

And when you bend backwards
I wanted you, I needed you
Oh, to make me better

I'll love you in springtime
I lost you when summer came
And when you pulled backwards
I wanted to, I needed to
Oh, to make me better

Oh, to make me better

But we're not so starry-eyed anymore
Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters,
And won't it all just come around to make you,
Let it all unbreak you to the day you met her.
But it'd make you better,
It'd make you better.


I sung you your twinges
I suffered you your tattletales
And when you broke sideways
I wanted you, I needed you
Oh, to make me better

Oh, to make me better

But we're not so starry-eyed anymore
Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters
And won't it all just come around and make you,
Let it all unbreak you to the day that you met her,
And it'd make you better
Did it make you better?

And all I wanted was a sliver to call mine,
And all I wanted was a shimmer in your shine,
To make me bright.

 
Cause we're not so starry-eyed anymore,
Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters, 

And won't it all just come around and make you.
Let it all unbreak you to the day you met her,
But it'd make you better,
It'd make you better."

~Make You Better 
The Decemberists,  What a Terrible World, What a Beautiful World