Thursday, May 31, 2012

5/31/12



"Got this sin in her brain
But she ain't gonna see me again
See me again, this I know
But oh, deep down I can't let go

Oh, don't let it be over, over oh
Oh, don't let it be over, let it be over, over"

~Mind Eraser
The Black Keys, El Camino


Probably my second-favorite track off El Camino after "Gold on the Ceiling." Came on shuffle when I was driving home from a 10-hour day at the office, feeling spent and confused. The drive was taking the edge off, though.

Windows down. Shades on. Smattering of clouds on a icy blue sky, stop and go traffic in the city.


Well, yes, you should remember you met me. 

It's been a long, cold minute since I was excited by meeting someone else. Of late, my affections have drifted towards the comfortable - in some cases that's brilliant, in others complete idiotic. Something about the summer, and The Black Keys, makes me think of fun, flirtation and those too-long glances that are too hard to come by.

Last summer will be tough to to beat.

But after all, have I anything to lose?

5/31/12



Tonight I feel kind of old and sad and worn and tired. I should probably be proud of myself, or feeling something that resembles satisfaction. I do a little, I guess. Things have been OK, in this new life I fell into, but it's still foreign and weird. I miss ending the day with being held by someone I love, someone who cares about me separate from the tallies of successes and failures. That typically makes it easier to deal.

Master of metaphor Brian Fallon puts it nicely tonight, with something about lions and burying faith. Amazing how we can feel so much one day, be so full of passion and life and fire, and be so devoid of it so soon down the road. This is a chorus that's hard not to relate to, and the build-up is perfect.

Amazing how I can second guess myself, even at this age, the same way I did a decade ago. Much like the love you lost, your demons never lose you.

"There are no reasons to believe
I buried my faith in an unmarked plot 
With your heart and your clothes 
When I find that I don't feel you or recall
I'll put your bones out in the yard 
Someone else to be called and called by

And I cannot hold a candle for every pretty girl 
We were strangers many hours
And I missed you for so long
When we were lions, lovers in combat
Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned 

But I am older now 
And we did it when we were young"
~We Did it When We Were Young 
The Gaslight Anthem, American Slang

All I can really find solace in is music, and just like that, we are right where we started. 

I have to tell myself: You can run all you like, but you'll never outrun those angels, or those demons.