10/2/12

So dark, so right. The instrumental a little before halfway into this song is stunning, with the same choirlike echo that caps it off again at the end. The desperation is palpable, foreboding. Frighteningly steady. Question loss of faith not lost on me.

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. today, no particular reason other than restlessness. Think I slept too much this weekend, maybe. My body seems to like feeling a little strung out and I have been taking such decent care of myself that I think it could be rebelling. That, or the emotions I've swallowed are chewing at me, ulcer-like, from the inside out. I don't know what's right anymore, but I do know being up all night alone in bed probably isn't it. 

"They call holidays an option for a reason,
I heard you're coming back to life just for the fourth.
I've been catching all your ghosts for every season,
I pray to God you won't come back here anymore.

do you pray with him, too?

They should deliver all my blessings
in small brown paper handbags near the porch.
I wished I'd known that you were bleeding while I sat
and watched you reading with the Lord.

I read with him, too.

When you look at me,
I'll be digesting your legs.
Cause I can hardly see
what's in front of me these days
and those days, too.
I've got to take what I'm making,
and turn it into something,
I've got to take what I'm making,
and turn it into something,
for you...

I've got to break what I'm making,
and turn it into nothing,
I've got to break what I'm making,
and turn it into nothing,
for you...

God, where have you been?"

~Where Have You Been? 

Manchester Orchestra, I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child